I have been an LPC for 4 years and a CSC for 8 years. As a Middle School Counselor, I ran into many issues in regards to friendships. As an LPC I see adults, young adults, and children who have problems with friendships. I have even personally struggled keeping friends and making friends throughout my years.
Friendships are difficult to make and to maintain. They are a lot like romantic relationships you must communicate, and compromise to make them work. Many are one sided. One individual will give more then the other. Some may have big mouths, or no filter.
I’m very opinionated, free-spirited, and outgoing. For those who don’t understand me they will take things personally, become offended or even envious. I end up falling out of touch with most. The few friends I’ve kept know me well. They know I’m loyal, and I will move mountains for them. They are who I choose to keep in my life and build with.
As a young person, I didn’t understand that when people back away from me it’s not about me, but has everything to do with a weakness they have. I always thought it was my fault and wanted to fix it. Even to this day I try to fix my friendships that start to drift. I almost need proof that I did everything I could. Once I get the proof I need…I let them go.
I may know this now, but…way back, when I lost friendships and relationships I acted like it was the end of my world. I blamed myself and tortured myself by inflicting emotional pain. I would isolate myself and tell myself no one likes me, no one wants to be around me, and I BELIEVED it!!! Aye!!! Such self-destructive behavior!!! I see a lot of these behaviors in my clients and past students.
When others choose not be in your life it’s their loss and their problem! It was nothing you did.!! The ones that stay are the ones that matter. Focus on those relationships; not the ones that decided to walk away from you; they don’t matter!!!
Remind yourself daily:
I am worthy, I am loved, I am needed, I have people who love and care for me, I didn’t do anything wrong.
If you are one of those people who back away from people you once had connections with…ask yourself why? Why don’t I need them anymore? Why did I need them before? What are my thoughts about that person?
Friendships can be beautiful when you allow them to be. When you connect with like-minded people…When you share common life goals…When they become part of your family…Friendships can be productive and inspiring.
Finding friendships are difficult especially if you’re an introvert, naturally anxious, and an antisocial person…Like myself at times….I tend to connect with people through others. I will connect with people I see daily such as co-workers and branch out from there. Other ways you can make friendships is by being brave and joining different groups of people that are like-minded. Church groups, social networking groups, meet-up groups, yoga, the gym, workout groups, cross fit, dating sites.
Don’t change who you are for another person. You may have had great memories together….You may have experienced similar life journeys…You may have thought you’d be friends forever…You may have accepted them completely. However, If they can’t accept you…let them go.
Friends come and friends go…but positivity, self-love, and self-acceptance is rare. Find it and you will find your happiness.
