a silent painful death...
Suicide...It's unexpected, It's shocking, It's unbelievable, It's confusing, It's...It's....UNREAL. When it happens to you...when someone you love takes their life...It doesn't make sense. When you're on the other side...when you're the one who takes their own life, it makes perfect sense.
When you're the one who dies...you can't see past the pain that you're in. You surround yourself in sadness and feel physical pain. You don't see any way out of it...you feel as though life will never change...you're worthless...you've lost your purpose in life. You feel as though the only way to get rid of the pain is to end the pain. But when you end the pain...you don't wake up...you stay in the darkness...the pain you felt...that darkness you felt....It has now spread.
You don't feel that pain again...your dead. But the people who love you...the people you've met only once...the people that knew you...and then all the other people that know those people feel the pain....and GUESS WHAT??? That PAIN never goes away!!! They get reminded when other people choose death, or even when other people meet death on accident...on your birthday...on their birthday...holidays...special occasions...songs....smells...sounds. The pain just stays there...It never goes away.
With that being said and that being known...If you're able to see past the bubble of sadness and darkness would you choose something different? Knowing that your sadness and darkness will be spread 100X what you felt by people who you didn't even get to meet in your life time...would you choose something different?
I'm human I've experienced self harm...thoughts of wanting to disappear...thoughts of life without me...but decisions are different amongst all of us. The choice to FIGHT and keep going despite the pain...that's a choice that can be hard to make when you can't see past the pain.
If you know someone who is stuck in darkness...sadness...someone who isolates themselves...someone who has mentioned death as an option...someone who has attempted death. Even someone who seems to be struggling in any way...encourage them to seek help. Together we can make a difference, by just showing we care...by asking questions...by being there in silence...we can make a change. Let's help each other take control of our thoughts and emotions. Find a good therapist that can help...a therapist that you can connect with.
You don't have to be alone in your darkness. Choose to seek help...choose to keep going...you have the opportunity to continue your story...you have the ability to rewrite your story. We want to help you! Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255