In my 36 almost 37 years of life I’ve been blessed to experience, so many different types of love. Yes, that’s right there are many types of love. I was a Love skeptic at one time…I used to say what is love? There might even be a blog from years ago about me not knowing what love really is…or maybe that was just a thought of a blog??? Either way…YES, there are different types of love. Here is the order in which I’ve experienced the different types of love
Parental love: I love my parents, and so many of us love our parents even when we have never met them. We love them even when they hurt us. I love my parents despite their challenges in life. Parental love is unconditional, we can be mad at them, and they can make us feel unimaginable pain, but we will always love our parents or the idea of the love we think we should have from our parents. FYI most of the problems we have as adults stem from the attachment we had from birth…SO YES OUR PARENTS ARE THE ONES WHO F@%K US UP!! But we love them regardless.
First love: that love in High school where it’s pure and you feel like “THEY ARE THE ONE” then a few months down the road that’s just not true…but then you find yourself running back to them because you had sex for the first time with them and you feel they are the only one for you…or I just don’t want to increase my number count…or ”I’m only comfortable with them”…ETC…first love is exciting and fun and later loves never feel like this…FYI…it’s probably because at that time in our lives, our frontal lobe isn’t developed yet and we feel like they “ARE THE ONLY ONE”
2nd-???Loves: these go into many different categories but here are the ones I experienced in life…you may or may not relate…chances are you will
Love because we feel we are unloveable or unwanted: “I’m going to make this work because no one will ever accept me the way they do”…”They don’t mean that”…” He doesn’t call me or want to take me out or spend time with me, maybe he’s just BUSY??” This is NOT HEALTHY to be telling yourself about someone you supposedly love. If someone loves you they will make it known through actions, not words or manipulation.
Love because it’s too late to walk away: transitions happen, tragedy happens…it is never too late to walk away, DON’T create a fake love because of the trauma you have experienced in life. You don’t need another person to heal yourself…YOU MUST HEAL ON YOUR OWN! With platonic support, not SEX and affection.
Love out of obligation: that love that you create because it’s just best for all if you stay together…because of the kids…because of the family…because of the division of friends. You deserve the best in life!! It took me many years to believe this, and to acknowledge this…but if I’m not happy neither are the people around me. If I stay in something just because it’s easier I’m not helping…I’m hurting others and myself.
PURE LOVE: the love a mother feels for her child…this I’ve been so blessed to experience. So many women long for this experience, and for you my heart hurts and cries for you all the time. But seriously I struggled to make this a reality. I thought this would never happen until it did. I was not expecting it at all, but here I am with a beautiful little boy…I’m so grateful. So, you can feel this in many different ways not only by carrying a child of your own but through surrogacy, adoption, fostering, being an aunt, sister…ETC. You can feel this if you would like to feel this type of love. We all experience it differently based on the time in our life that it occurs, but it’s still pure..even if you give your baby to a family that can care for them better than you can at that point in your life. IT’S REAL…and indescribable.
SELF-LOVE: this love takes time, takes education, takes courage, takes you allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to open yourself to learning more about yourself and the traumas you experienced in life…YES, we all experience TRAUMA in life…Trauma is anything you encountered that caused any kind of extreme emotion. Have you cried? Have you felt pain? Have you been angry? Then YES you have experienced TRAUMA!!! BE open enough to find this. It’s the hardest thing to find… because that means you have to talk about the stuff you’re not comfortable with…it’s having to experience and talk about those emotions you can’t even put words to. I’ve almost got this down!! ALMOST…but those negative evil thoughts of self-destruction like to come back from time to time to throw me off. I’ve got some good tools to help with this.
The Infamous…The love you feel when you find a person that is not only your partner but your lover, your support, your friend, your PERSON: This I’m still waiting to find…yes, I believe it exists, it’s not always perfect…it’s raw…and real. It’s finding someone you feel comfortable communicating with even the awkward uncomfortable stuff. I’ve witnessed this type of love and I know one day it is the type of love I will experience, and so will you.
I may be missing other types of love, if I am please educate me. I’m a Counselor and always willing to learn and grow. YES, I’m that Counselor that believes she doesn’t know it all, and YES I have my Counselor I see monthly, and am grateful for her…because she helps me grow…so I can help you grow. We Grow together.
It’s not easy to find that love with your PERSON. You must love YOU, you must love all of YOU to be able to find it. YOU must be courageous enough to work through your past traumas to lead yourself to SELF-LOVE. When you can love yourself you’re ready and open for another to come into your life. Our Counselors are here to guide you to self-love, so you can experience all the love you would like to in life.
That was beautiful!
I need to learn to love myself too after my divorce.